His Heartbreak for Hers
by Desenchanter
Summary: He did it for her… he just didn't know that he'd lose more than just her to another, until he ventured through the well. All he wanted was a glimpse of the girl he missed but what happened hurt so much more. Beware: Angst & Citrus within.
1. His Decision

**Summary**: He did it for her… he just didn't know he would lose more than just her to another, until he ventured through the well. Al he wanted was a glimpse of the one he missed but what he got hurt so much more. Alt-canon.

* * *

_**H**_is_** H**_eartbreak _for__** H**_ers  
_**C**_hapter _**O**_ne:_** H**_is _**D**_ecision

**Ж****Ж****Ж****Ж**

_He had almost lost her…_

It wasn't like the times before, not only fear consumed him when she was no longer in earshot. It wasn't like the times before when she turned out to be perfectly fine, when _he_ saved _her_. It wasn't like the times before because that time he truly _almost_ lost her forever.

And for that betrayal of all he swore, he couldn't forgive. He was meant to protect her—_that_ should have come first. Yet he let himself get distracted by the chance to destroy the vile beast he yearned so earnestly to mar and maim to the point that there was not even a morsel left of the monster.

That was when he decided to do it, even though he knew she'd hate it—perhaps even him.

Someday she'd understand, someday she'd _have_ to forgive him, she'd see why he couldn't chance the same occurrence twice.

When he found her after the miasma had cleared up enough to cease to impair his keen sense of smell the first thing that overwhelmed him was the devastating amount of _her_ blood—so much so that he felt sick to his stomach. He had rushed to her as quickly as his lean legs could take him only to have the sight he saw be forever embedded in his mind.

He managed to piece together what had occurred from it, though, Naraku had maimed her when her bow string snapped and he was distracted by horde of demons. He cursed himself from heaven to hell for not protecting her better, for allowing his attention to be shifted to something else even _if_ that was saving his own life.

Obviously, hers was more important than his. She had a family, she was loved by many, adored by people she just met, and _had_ a future. She was so much more than he could ever be, the world and those who lived in it needed her more than they ever would him.

Cautiously he cradled her in his arms, brows bending together at the sound of her unconscious cringes of pain. Her wound was too bad to fix in his time, a mortal would surely die of it, so he rushed to the well truly his utmost not to jerk around too much in the process, his golden eyes constantly flickering between the darkening path ahead then back to the uncomfortable look upon her usually divine and dainty façade. The moment he reached it he leaped through to the let the blue wonder take hold of them to end up in her world that could hopefully save her.

He couldn't lose her, he couldn't even think about the possibility.

The horror etched across the face of her usual cheery mother would also scar his mind, yet after the initial shock faded from her she rushed to call for aid. A flashing metal chamber came to transport her elsewhere, it took a great deal of coaxing out of the uncannily calm mother to get him to let her go and not follow just yet, instead he had to stay behind until Souta could find him something more appropriate to wear and a ball cap before he escorted him to the grand building that supposedly housed his… his what?

"What happened to her?"murmured Souta softly as his hurt hazels moved up to the man he essentially worshiped.

"I… I messed up," Inuyasha muttered as they sat down in strange seats in a room filled with other anxious humans. "I… I let her out of my sight. It won't happen again."

_If_ he got the chance, that was.

"It's not your fault," Souta said sincerely while he grasped Inuyasha's hand, which was enough to get the boy to smile ever so slightly at him.

But it didn't matter what the little boy said, he knew it was—what he didn't know was how he would go on if anything happened to his…

His love.

He loved her; it started to take hold of him gradually at first then all at once. Somehow she had wiggled her way through the creaks Kikyou had created in the wall that he had built to protect himself, it took three years for it to crumble down all together for her because… for her, he'd do anything.

… even if that anything meant hurting himself.

"You can see her now," were the wondrous words from Mr. Higurashi's lips as she waved for the hanyou to follow her through the hallways. He hadn't any idea how long they had been there but the night had faded back to the day, all he cared about was making the coil of concern cease to suffocate him.

Peacefully upon an odd bed much like the one she had in her room but with a severe lack of all the frilly colors, the girl—no, that was what she was when she first came to him… over the years she had grown, she had become more—his _woman_ slept. Contraptions that he couldn't comprehend were lined around her, each making their own strange sound. All that mattered was that she was alive and appeared to be in little to no pain.

"Will she be…?" he whispered as his golden gaze shifted to the woman by his side, he couldn't help but notice the considerable amount of wrinkles that hadn't been there all those years ago when he first met the oddly warm woman—it had to be where Kagome got it, Inuyasha had decided that some time back. The wrinkles, though, were created out of constant worries over her daughter's safety, all that time she had trusted him to protect her… after failing so horribly, how could he ask her to forgive him? To trust him again with such a vital task?

He couldn't. He didn't even trust himself to protect her any longer… she belonged with her family, in her weird world, where her biggest concern was some stupid test instead of dying from one simple mistake. She didn't belong in dangers way, she didn't belong with him… they were born centuries apart; he'd have to accept that fact even if it hurt worse than any battle wound.

"She'll be fine," Mr. Higurashi whispered, "thanks to you, if you hadn't brought her here when you did…"

"It's not thanks to me," he assured in an equally quiet tone, so as not to disturb the dreary damsel, "it's my fault she's hurt. I should have kept a closer eye on her… I shouldn't have let her…"

"It's not your fault," she assured with an ever so subtle smile as she placed her hand upon his arm, "Kagome is always telling me how awful she feels about all the times that you've got hurt protecting her, I know you were doing your best, Inuyasha."

"My best's not good enough, then," he muttered back, he saw her open her mouth out of the corner of his eyes but apparently she thought better of whatever she was about to say. Instead she simply nodded for him to go in and take one of the open seats.

He knew what he had to do, the one thing he _never_ wanted to let happen but… he had to, for her sake.

Gently he reached his hand out to take hers; squeezing it softly to try and force away thoughts of the future he'd be forcing himself to have…

But for her, he'd break his own heart.

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**A/N**: I know, I have plenty of unfinished stories but... I had this idea and decided to go with it. I don't think it will be too terribly long, perhaps 4-5 chapters depending how long each are.

I do have a question, do you prefer short chapters (1,000-2,000 words) medium sized ones (2,000-5,000) or large ones (5,000+)?

_**I hope you enjoy and please review (hopefully answering the question within it).**_


	2. Her Hurt

**_H_**is**_ H_**eartbreak****_for** H**_ers  
**_C_**hapter **_T_**wo:**_ H_**er **_H_**urt

**Ж**

_She would lose him…_

Somehow that fear festered as bright as fire within her heart with each and every beat. As if her soul already knew of his decision, as if it knew the future anguish that would bestow itself on her, but all its warning could not yet be understood. It was in the way he looked at her each time he came to visit, to make sure she was healing properly; it was in the way he smiled when he promised to come back—because she _always_ made him promise. It was in the way he held her hand so tenderly… but, what really gave it away was when she was still bed ridden and he said, "I love you. You know that, right?"

"I know that," she acknowledged, she had been aware of the unspoken truth for ages. He didn't need to say it; he showed it every time he would allow himself to get wounded instead of her in battle. "I love you, too."

She had always anticipated shock to show itself when she finally told him it because of his lack of self-worth, his opinion of himself being so low, and that a sincerely smile before perhaps a kiss but… it was just that weak attempt at a real smile he gave her, she did receive the small kiss she desired though.

That was when she knew what he was planning, that was why when he said he had to go she squeezed his hand tighter and begged, "don't do it."

"Don't do what?" he inquired with a cocked brow, "I gotta go, Kagome. The trail for Naraku is still hot; I'll be back in a couple of days to check on you."

"Will you?" she coaxed out with narrowed hazels, "Inuyasha, I got hurt because of decisions I made. It's my life—I get to decide for myself what happens in it."

He countered, "What are you saying?"

"I have a bad feeling… that you're going to leave me," she whispered while her hand slid from his, "that's what you want to do, isn't it? You think it's best for me or something ridiculous like that?"

That earned the shock she had expected from her declaration of affections, was he truly so transparent to her? He had tried to hide his intention but… that was when he knew, if he left her she'd only find a way to follow her.

That was when he decided to do the one thing he swore he'd never do—hurt her. If doing that was the only way to keep her truly safe… then did he have another choice?

"I'm not going to leave you," he whispered back to earn her wary attention, "I'll be back soon, Kagome, you just focus on getting better."

"Then I can come with you?" She asserted while she tried to sit up only to wince and lie back down, "to the others? I can help again, right?"

"Keh," he forced himself to grin, "can't find the shikon shards without my detector, now can I?"

That earned an authentic smile from her, one he chose to burn into his mind forever.

**Ж**

_She would hate him…_

That much was as sure as the sun falling from the sky to give way to the moon, he was well aware of it as he walked out of the hut into the darkness. He would hate himself, too, but he'd loath his existence more if he ever let her die because of his mistake, because of his selfishness to keep her close.

Someday she would surely see that it was for the best, someday she would get over it, someday she'd find someone that truly deserves her love. That day just would take time to arrive.

"Kagome," he whispered as he pushed open her window to see her quickly turn in her bed to smile up at him.

"You're back," she chimed, every time as if it were a miracle that he would keep his word. If he didn't know already that he would break it, he'd be insulted.

"You feelin' any better?" he asked as he slid in to close his entrance behind him, it was too cold to let the breeze flow into her frilly room.

"A hundred percent," she assured before seeing the confusion that caused her hanyou, "I mean, yes, completely. I was planning to come back tomorrow if you didn't return tonight."

"Guess it's a good thing I did," he murmured before withholding a sigh. What had to come next would be wonderful—he was sure—but the messy aftermath would be worse than he could ever imagine. "You know I love you, right?"

"We've been over this," she smiled as she took a step towards him, wrapping her hands around his red clothe, "I know it, just like you know how mutual that feeling is."

"So," he started before breaking eye contact with her and sighing, "I'm no good at this stuff."

"At what?" she questioned with a cock of her head to meet his golden gaze again—something that was one of a kind in her opinion. No man could ever have such a confusing stare as he; no other could show so many emotions in conflict with each other as he could.

"Miroku stuff," he grumbled, "you know, the whole sweet talking part of it."

"I know that," she laughed lightly before kissing him upon the cheek, "I like that about you."

She'd probably be the only one that did, that was why he turned his head so that their lips could meet. It was just a peck like the time before, he forced it to be more as he wrapped his hands around her hips and pulled her against him. At first there was hesitation in the way she returned his gesture but that faded quickly when her lips parted to allow it to go deeper as she shut her eyes.

His tongue tangled with hers as he pushed her back, causing her to tumble upon her bed and almost hit her head against the wall but he caught her just in time. There was something in the way that he kissed her that almost frightened her—if only for a fleeting moment. It was devouring, as if he meant to memorize each movement, the light suck of her bottom lip, the nibbles on her top while his hands slid under her PJ shirt to shift up her flat and finally healed stomach.

Then she decided that it wasn't scary, that he _wasn't _going to leave her if he wanted this. He wasn't that cruel. He loved her… he just wanted to show her that. In his own way.

He yanked her top off to let it fall to the ground before shifting his attention from her lips to her neck to let her murmur a soft, "Inuyasha."

It hurt—he felt a pang cascaded through his chest at the sound of his name, the way she whispered it so trustingly right into his ear.

But he willed such thoughts about, if only for a while they'd be together. Fully, completely, and purely. He'd give her everything, he'd show her his soul, how much he loved her… then he'd break her heart.

His tongue trailed down to her collarbone before his hand slid behind her back to flick a claw at her bra strap and force it to slip onto the bed.

"That…" she gasped as she wrapped her hands around his head, "was my fa-favorite bra."

"Whatever," he murmured against her skin, causing sweet vibrations to make her breath hitch right before he sparked a new sensation—it sparked the start of the coil of desire in her stomach. His lips encompassed her right breast before he back to nibble the not-yet perky nipples while his other roamed her opposite one. His thumb rubbing her pink tip to cause her to gasp his name again… the scent of her arousal sparked his own, the knowledge that _he was_ the one to cause it only made his heart beat stronger.

"Nn," she awed again, "Inuyasha…"

"Kagome," he gently began as he pulled away to look up at her flustered features, "you okay with this?"

Was she…? She had to stop and think about it for a while, she was seventeen—almost eighteen—and about to graduate from the high school she was admitted to under 'special' circumstance due to her 'illnesses'. She was old enough, and more importantly she would never love someone like she did Inuyasha.

So… "Yes, Inuyasha, I'm ready."

"Good," he whispered back before he placed a series of slopping, hot, kisses down both her breast before in-between and all the way to the tie of her PJ pants. He inhaled harder than to smell her more, he gently started to pull them off, so she arched her back to help him pull them off all the way.

"Wait," she begged before he could snap her panties off with his claws like he desired. She sighed silently before pulling them off herself, "why are you clothes… s-still on?"

"Oh," he murmured back as he looked down to his, "guess I got carried away."

"Uh-huh," she nodded back as she covered her bosom with her folded arms, her hazels falling to the sheets.

"Don't do that," he requested after letting his top fall to the floor.

"Do what?" she questioned.

"You are beautiful," he assured as he pulled her arms away to see all of he, "don't forget that, Kagome."

She smiled at that before he rested her upon the bed all the way, his hands glancing over the stomach and down to start to rub her already moist region; she pulled him down with a tug of his silver tresses to force his lips to collide against hers. He obliged her as he pressed his hot body against hers; his slowly stiffening pleasure pulsed against her inner thigh.

"You ready?" he whispered while he situated himself, he waited for her to give him a nod before he made a plunge in.

The small cry of momentary pain stopped him, his golden gaze locked upon her expression until it softened along with the grip on his shoulders, still she was too tense for him to move within her without hurting her further, "I love you," did the trick at giving her the reassurance to take a breath in and smile.

Tenderly, he began his slow, shallow, thrusts into her previously pure pathway. She slide her hand down his shoulder as she deepened his thrash into her, the gasps, groans, and moans she made gave him almost as much pleasure as the feeling of her tightly twisted around his arousal. He indulged her when she grabbed his hand, interlining their fingers as his beats gained power.

He savored every moment of their merger, but no time more than when she began to move her hips along with him. He muffled a moan upon her lips after she yanked his head down so that they could meet once more. Even if his mind was gradually floating away from reality to a pleasurable paradise he knew not to make too much noise and she did, too. Shaky gasps, silent pants, and minute moans were all that they could openly express while they collided together—her straddles to his thrusts.

All the while, he tried to keep his eyes open and focused on her—to memorize all her features. Until her the ripples cascaded throughout her as she withheld a deep cry, she arched her body to meet his quickening beats before a divine feeling explode from below to watch them both away...

For a moment, he was truly happy.

**Ж**

_She would get her heart broken…_

He knew what he had to say, how he had to go about doing it, but that didn't mean it was an easier to pull away from her to slip his clothes back on. Everything told him to stay in bed holding her but… what he was about to do had to be done. If he didn't, she'd never let him.

"That was decent," he started to catch her attention as her brows bent together.

"It took forever to finally get here," he muttered as he tied the final knot.

"What are you talking about?" she questioned with a quiver.

"You, obviously," he retorted, "it didn't take this long to get Kikyou to give in to me, what a pain…"

He refused to look at the agony that surely caused her, the power of lies was awful, but he knew exactly what to say to crack the heart. Comparing her to Kikyou always caused a flinch, the extra 'she was better than you' was sure to make her eyes tinge with tears.

"I…" she stuttered, "well… Inuyasha?"

"Inuyasha," he sighed as he opened the window to finally look at the fragile girl, she had laid her heart out for him—given herself all the way to _him_—and if he said just the right things she'd break… and have nothing but hard feelings for her. "You are always saying my name, screaming it when we're fighting, no help at all. You ready or are we going to have to stay here and cuddle for the night?"

"What's wrong with you?" she hissed as she grabbed the sheets to cover herself, "why are you saying these things?"

"Why not?" he shrugged, "you gonna cry again? Damn it, why are you always doing that? Suck it up, and let's go. You've wasted enough of our time on your healing and school work and whatever else, I need you to find the rest of the jewel shards."

"Is that all I'm good for?" she cried out, finally letting a couple of tears to trickle down, "you're being an ass!"

"Whatever," he muttered, trying his utmost to appear indifferent as he turned his attention out to the starry sky. If he kept looking at her he'd break… he'd tell her it was all lie, that he was sorry, beg her to forgive him. His resolve would be broken.

"Why would you think I'd want to come with you after you say… say su-such horrible things."

"I don't know," he shrugged, "but I guess it doesn't matter. You being gone has made me see…"

"See what?" she hissed.

"How much easier things are without you, you are a burden on me, ya' know? A burden that I only finally get payment for," he added. Grasping his fists in front of him as he spoke, he had to do this that was what he kept telling himself over and over again. He had to... had to, for her sake.

"If that's how you really feel you should leave!" she demanded.

"Fine," he scoffed, "then don't come back until you're ready to not be such a little bitch about everything."

"Asshole," she muttered again while she shut her eyes, grabbing her robe and wrapping it around herself as she sprinted out of the room to let the tears fall freely.

A part of him was hurt that she so easily persuaded that was how he really felt… but he still took the jewel shards, ignored the tears, and leaped out of her window to sprint and leave through the well before his conscious got the better of him. If he didn't rush he might have hesitated… he tried to calm his breath, to reassure himself that what he did was right. She would be hurt for a while but she'd get over it… live on, she'd have a better life without him.

With mild hesitation he slid his sword out of its seethe to grip his hands around the handle to destroy the well on his side. Over and over again he slashed at the wood until it was no more before he fell to his knees, letting his face to drop into his face.

He was done keeping his composure… he didn't just break her heart; he shattered his own, too.

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**A/N**:_**I hope you enjoy and please review.**_


	3. His Hell

**_H_**is**_ H_**eartbreak_ for** H**_ers  
**_C_**hapter **_T_**hree:**_ H_**is **_H_**ell

**Ж**

_He had longed for her…_

Six years of hell, six long years without her. That was all he could think as he stood at the spot that once held the well to her world, his eyes locked on the hole in the ground that had been covered so children would not fall in. Not a day went by that he didn't think of her, not a moment were the guilt subsided to allow numbness to take him instead. Somehow, he didn't want that—he'd take the heartache and remorse over letting his feelings for her go any day.

Four years of triumph had passed by since they defeated their enemy once and for all.

Three years since his dear friends were blessed with their first children—twin girls, no less.

One day since the birth of their first son and still all her could think of was her… how he wished to see her, smell her sweet scent, witness her wide and warm smile. Even just a glimpse of her would be enough to ease the ache that had been growing since he left her that ghastly night.

That night mixed with pleasure and pain.

Did he regret his decision? Sometimes, more than anything but during the final few battles he didn't… he knew if she was there he couldn't have protected her; he could have watched her die instead of the breaking of her heart. The latter she could recover from, the former he never would have…

"She'd forgive you," a whisper murmured from behind him to get his ear to flicker, he didn't have to turn to see the monk standing there. Not once did he ever explain what he had done to them, never did he dare tell the truth, but somehow they knew the general jest of what happened.

"Maybe," he mumbled, "or maybe not."

"You come here every day," he proclaimed, "you have the shikon no tama, you haven't used it because of your fear."

"What fear?" He questioned as he halfway turned to look at the monk.

"The one that if it's gone, so is your ability to travel through the well—to see her. Inuyasha, you need to go. We've all been waiting for you to finally give in these past four years; you'll always wonder what if in less you go see her. I'm not saying speak to her—to get a glimpse, just to know she's fine." urged Miroku as he stepped forward to place a hand on his friend's shoulder, "the well's hole is still there, you could go."

"Maybe," he murmured as his eyes dropped down to the wood. Yet, it was more than a maybe—he knew he'd go… he just needed that final push.

"Perhaps, you two could even be together once more?" Miroku softly suggested. There was no denying that was a dream he held, a fantasy he played with day and night—a hope that burned in him so bright that he feared what would happen if it were ever extinguished.

All the same, he pried up the wood and leaped down what was left of the well.

**Ж**

_He had to see her…_

He kept his eyes shut the whole time but the moment his falling lasted longer than it should have he knew that it was working, even after he landed on the other side he didn't dare open them until he took a few cleansing breaths in to build up the courage. When he pried his lids apart and slowly let his golden gaze shift up in the darkness to see the roof of the hut he felt a twinge—of hope and fear, each as paralyzing as the other.

For a while, he simply stood there before leaping up and out of the well to walk up the stairs. Cautiously, he opened the hut's door to get just a glimpse—that was all he told himself, it was _all_ he was going to do. Just check on her, just get one chance to see her then he'd leave… then he could let go. Maybe… hopefully.

But what he saw hurt so much more, there she was standing in the sunlight with a smile on her face—that was perfect, that was what he had so longed to see—it was the toddler that stood holding her legs that caused his chamber to collapse upon his beating heart. Even from such a distance he could tell that the little girl's scent was similar to that of her mother… of his Kagome—no, that was wrong. She was no longer his, she belonged to another.

"Aren't you a big girl?" Kagome cooed as she bent down to pick up the giggling two year old before a flash of nothing crossed over her face.

"Mama?" the little girl questioned with a tilt of her head to earn her mother's smile back.

"Wanna go see grandma?" she asked as she handed her off to the elder lady, "can you take her inside? It's nap time."

"Of course, sweetheart," Kagome's mother nodded before she turned, jiggling a toy in front of her face while she walked into the house.

Kagome let a shaky breath out before she turned around to look towards the well, "I can still sense the shikon no tama."

He cringed at that declaration since that wasn't something he took into consideration but it was too late—she had called him out, so he opened the door all the way to step out. She had the sweetest sadness in her eyes as she look at him, her brows lightly bent together as she bit her bottom lip before finally getting out a, "hello… Inuyasha."

"Kagome," was all he could say in return.

"I thought… maybe, someday, you'd come back," she whispered while she took a few steps toward him but stopped when there was still a good distance between the two. "Is Naraku…?"

"Dead," he acknowledged with a nod, "everyone is okay. Miroku and Sango are married, with three kids. Shippou's training along with Kohaku."

"Good," she smiled ever so slightly before her shimmering hazels dropped to the ground, "I'm glad. And you?"

"I'm alive," and that was really all he could say, his life hadn't progressed in the past four years, he hadn't known blissful happiness, he just… was alive.

"Inuyasha," she slowly started, "I forgive you."

That stopped him—from everything from his heartbeat to breath. He hadn't expected that, not right away at least. Perhaps not at all, how could she know that was what he sought? How those three simple words could take the weight off of his broken yet beating heart... it was something he had longed for since he left. He couldn't take the way the guilt had eaten away at him but... she freed him, as she always did-just like the first time they met.

"K-Kagome," he murmured, "I… I never meant a word of it. I… I just wanted you safe."

"I was a teenager," she said with an attempt at a smile and a small shrug, "I should have known that but… teen's are so self-conscious, so emotional, so willing to believe that the boy they loved only cared about their body. I had only just turned eighteen, if I were older I might have been able to look past the pain to see the truth… it took too long, by the time I realized what you had done it was too late. I couldn't go see you. Inuyasha, I know you think that you did the right thing and… I guess we'll never know. I forgive you, I do."

"Thanks," he choked, that was what he needed so desperately to hear.

"I," she shakily started before confessing what would surely hurt him, "I am married."

He shut his eyes—those three words were like a dagger to his heart.

"I didn't know if you'd ever come back, I didn't… couldn't wait forever," she justified as she took two more steps towards him, "I have daughters with him."

"I saw," he murmured as he looked to her, "that little girl…?"

"Hitomi," she nodded as she glanced over her shoulder to the house, "she's two. I have an infant, six months old, her name is Hideko."

"Congratulations," he forced a fragment of a smile, "I'm happy for you… I know you always wanted a family."

Even if that wasn't the full truth, even though she knew the knowledge hurt him, the fact that he'd still say it just to give her comfort made her have to press her lips and blink quicker to keep from letting tears fall as she took the final steps forward so she could take his hands into hers, "I think about you still, if that means anything ."

"It does," he assured, it meant that even a small part of her heart belonged to him... and that was all he would have. "I think about you, too."

All the time, constantly, always—every day, almost each moment within it—were filled with thoughts of her.

"A part of me wants to leave with you," she whispered as if it were a betrayal and really she knew it was. She should have never let the thought cross her mind after the birth of her first daughter, it shouldn't have been a daydream anymore. Her children had to be her world and to give them all she could she had to be there—with their father that loved her and them dearly. "But I can't because of my girls and… I do love my husband, he's a good man. He loves me, more than anything."

"Good," he muttered, she deserved someone who could give her everything and make her happy. She had always deserved more than him... he knew that. "He's a lucky man."

She nodded as she slid her hands out of his to wrap her arms around him, "a part of me is always going to love you."

After everything, could he ask for more? No, so he just held her back as he shut his eyes to try and keep the sting at bay. A single tear slid down his cheek all the same as he took in her scent to engrave it into his memory. It was a wonderful moment that he'd try to savor; it was the last time he'd be able to hold the woman he loved. It had always been a nightmare in the back of his mind—that she had found someone else and began to form a family with him… it wasn't a fairytale, she had to have a life. She couldn't wait forever for the chance of a man that hadn't appeared to her in six years.

If she fell in love with another along the way, could he truly blame her? No, he had pushed her into another's arm.

Then the moment was shattered by a cry for, "mom!"

He could feel her tense up in his arms, her breath stop as her heartbeat quickened. At first he thought it was nothing more than her ashamed to have her child catch her in the arms of someone who wasn't his father—then it dawned on him.

It was a 'he' that called out for his mother, a boy… and all she had mentioned was daughters.

Slowly, he let her go to turn and see a boy around the age of five running up the stairs with a backpack and cap to cover his silver strands, "mom! Shin asked me if I wanted to go to his house to play a new game, can I go? Please! Mom, please, please, please!"

"S-sure," she stuttered with a subtle smile, "go ahead."

"Who are you?" he questioned with a cocked brow as he stopped near them, his amber orbs shifting up the odd man in front of him, "cosplayer? Who are you supposed to be? Aren't you too _old _for that type of stuff?"

"This is an old friend of mine," Kagome answered, "now go, isn't Shin waiting for you? Is his big brother walking you two home?"

"Yes," he groaned, "I know, I know. I can't leave school without a Shin's brother walking me home. I'll be back before dinner, bye!"

"Call!" Kagome shouted as he ran off, "your father or I will come pick you up!"

"Okay!" he waved as he jumped down the stairs.

The whole while his eyes didn't blink, he didn't need her to tell him… but he still turned his stunned sunlit stare to her.

"I… I," she choked before pressing her lips together, "I… don't know what to say."

"I can tell," he asserted, "you know I can."

"You left," she countered quickly, "you said horrible things and left. I had _no_ one. Hiroki… he's my son, I raised him, I did everything for him—all he wanted was a father, Inuyasha. I _had_ to give him that and then I met Isamu, he's a doctor—I know you don't understand that, but he means he's a great provider. He loves Hiroki like he's his own; he is the _only_ father Hiroki has ever known."

"He's… mine," Inuyasha insisted.

"It was a one-night stand," she corrected coarsely, "and then you left. I tried, after Hiroki was born, to come see you but… it didn't work. If you wanted to come back after two years I figured you would have. He wanted a dad, I gave him one. What? Do you want to take that away from him? To tell him that Isamu isn't his dad—the man that was there in the middle of the night whenever he'd wake up to nightmares and needed someone to tell him they weren't real. The man that nursed him back to health whenever he got sick. The man that's been here for him all this time…?"

"I… I wanted to be here," he asserted, "I did!"

"Then you should have come back!" she shouted, "you are four years too late, Inuyasha! I met Isamu then, we married a little over two years ago. If you showed up before then than maybe… maybe things would be different but you didn't! How long was I supposed to wait?"

_Four _years? He stared at her for a while without a single thought until it repeated—four years. That was it? If he had returned right away after Naraku's defeat then…?

"I would have come back," he added, "I would have if I had known—"

"What do you want, Inuyasha?" she interrupted as she folded her arms and pressed her lips together, "For me to tell Hiroki that his dad isn't Isamu? That his dad is a hanyou from five hundred years in the past? I don't know how well he'd handle that… he has a wonderful normal life. He's so smart, he's already started school, and he's such a happy child…"

"So what?" he snapped, "I'm not allowed to know my own child?"

"We had sex," she almost shouted, only to check herself and puff out her annoyance, "that's all. We fucked once six years ago, that's all _you_ did then you left! It's not like you were here to help, it's not like you did anything at all to earn the right to call him _yours _but the fact that you and I had sex. You've done _nothing. _What the hell was I supposed to do?"

It wasn't out of spite that she said those things, not completely at least and he knew that, he could see the anger in her eyes but also the desperation she felt spewed across her face… that must have consumed her for all those years—all those years _he_ had left her alone. It was… his fault. That's what he told himself. He took a breath in as he looked away, "Kagome…"

"I'm sorry," she swore with a crack in her voice as she blinked away a few tears, "I'm sorry but… but I couldn't wait any longer. I couldn't get to you… I couldn't wait. Now I have Isamu, I have a nice life, I'm happy… and can never come with you, I love my children with him. My daughters come first… and what's best for Hiroki. This world is so much better for him—the schooling, the healthcare, everything. His life is _here_… with his family, with me."

"Kagome!" A man called out from the house, "Hideko needs you!"

"Coming!" she shouted back as she brushed the tears away, "I… I have to go."

"Kagome," he murmured, "I…"

"I forgive you," she choked, "I hope someday you can forgive me but I… I had to move on. Goodbye, Inuyasha."

He didn't know what to say, she only waited a moment before she shook her head and turned away to go to the door where a man emerged with a whining baby to hand her off to Kagome. The terrible pang that coursed within him at just that sight was what made him turn around quickly and return to the hut and leap down the well. He didn't know what else to do…

"Who was that?" Isamu questioned with a cocked brow before he turned his attention back to his daughter and wife, "it's a little earlier for Halloween, isn't it?"

"That was… no one," she whispered as she cradled her daughter. For her to keep her life that way it was he _had_ to be no one to her... he was her first love and that was all. She had to let go.

Her children, her husband, _they_ had to be her world now… she was only human—she couldn't wait forever, she didn't _have _forever. That was what she told herself every night, that's what she convinced herself every time she looked into her husband's auburn eyes.

**Ж**

_He had nothing but memories of her…_

At first he was numb to the feelings that coursed through him, at the thought that he was a… no, he couldn't even think it because he couldn't be. He should have never left her but; then again, he had to. She couldn't have been there if she was pregnant, he could have lost so much more if she had died.

Now, it didn't matter too gravely—he had lost everything anyway, so much more than he could have ever dreamed of… that was why when he heard the screams from the village he rushed to them and unsheathed his sword to attack the gigantic spider youkai that meant to attack the place he had called home but would _never_ feel like it.

"I'll take care of this," Inuyasha asserted once Miroku emerged from his hut. He had a family, a wife, a life to live for… what did he have?

Memories of a woman that belonged to another? A momentary sighting of a son that also belonged to another?

Of a life he had given away to _another_?

As always, he led the youkai away from the village to keep all the innocent bystanders safe as he thrashed at the monster—taking out all his frustration on the creature. Fighting like that was never a good idea, he knew, since anger and pain clouded his sight leaving him open to a couple of cheap hits—a stab in his side, a slash across his chest but he still won, he still slammed his sword through the spider after it was dead letting the blood and chunks splatter against him in the process…

It devoured his attention to keep him from noticing the second spider come up behind him and bite him in the shoulder, piercing his artery in the process so that blood would start to pool out of him as its poison swarmed through his body. The stun he felt from the unexpected attack kept him from reacting in enough time to avoid the stab through his chest but the strength he held was enough to swirl around to destroy it with one final assault…

A cough of blood left his lips as he stumbled forward, grabbing the most severe wound he held all the while. He had options though he could not move far, he could call out but when he tried he only coughed again as he staggered forward. A weak youkai… would really be his end?

It was insulting almost, then again, he was over two hundred and fifty—how long should a life really be? All he knew he wanted was to go out below the tree he had met her, that was why he used the rusted form of the Tessaiga as a cane to help him fumble through the forest until he dropped in front of the Goshinbuko. He grabbed the grass and roots to yank himself up so he could sit against the tree, his blurred vision glancing around as he felt the venom numb all the pain… did he really want to die?

Perhaps yes, perhaps no but… he knew he didn't want to live forever with nothing but memories of her… and a child he'd never know.

* * *

**A/N**:_Perhaps not what you would want for the couple, but remember this is an **angst **story. Hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway.  
Hiroki - abundant joy/strength  
Hideko - splendid child  
Hitomi - usually given to girls with especially beautiful eyes**  
**_


	4. Her Sorrow

**_H_**is**_ H_**eartbreak_ for** H**_ers  
**_C_**hapter **_F_**our:**_ H_**er **_S_**orrow

**Ж**

_She had missed him …_

Six years of subtle sorrows had consumed her, at first it was overwhelming—especially when she found out that she was with child, with _his_ child. Luckily, she had already finished high school and _somehow_ got admitted to a college, not the best, but one anyway. Fear took her at first, she hadn't any idea how her mother would take to the news… or brother or grandfather.

Did she feel shame? Yes, first and foremost she felt used from all that Inuyasha had said and done. Then he left her with _this_ burden as well? What awful luck she must of held, to only ever have sex once and become pregnant.

Her mother was shocked, grandfather a bit sickened, but they all accepted it and swore to help in any way they could—and even support her in whatever she choose. Giving up the child, though, was out of question. She'd keep it and hold her head high as she started college with a rounded belly, she'd finish it, she'd get a job, she'd support herself and her child… who turned out to be a son.

Which was worse, she had hoped for a daughter—someone who couldn't resemble his father. It would be a lie if she hadn't constantly fantasized his return, him begging for forgiveness then whisking them all away to live happily ever after in the fairytale life she had thought she'd have but when two years past by without a sign she slowly gave it up that dream…

Hiroki, her son, wanted more than a grandma that doted on his, an uncle that played with him, and a great-grandpa that would tell him constant stories. He wanted a father as soon as he could form sentence he'd ask, "where's dada?"

And it would bring life to her sorrows, whenever they went to the park, whenever they were out at the store, whenever they saw a happy normal family he'd pout and look up to her with big golden eyes sometimes he wouldn't ask, sometimes the sadness in his eyes said enough, but most of the time he questioned, "where's my dada?"

She'd never have an answer to that, all she could do was force a smile and change the subject. Then fate seemed to intervene, in her second year of college right after he turned two, she had to take him to the doctor's for a fever. Worry wouldn't fully describe how she felt as she waited for the doctor to call them back even if it was just a little cough, she still couldn't imagine what she'd do if anything ever happened to the center of her life. Though she went to school and got good grades she still would rather spend the night in with her son than out with new friends—her mother did force her out every once and a while regardless.

"Higurashi Hiroki?" Someone called out, she grabbed her son and walked into the room—that was the first time they met.

He was quite handsome and she couldn't help but awe at him some before he greeted them. It was the first time she ever encountered Ishikawa Isamu who had just finished his internship after completing medical school to join his uncle's family practice. He was eight years older than the twenty year-old, second year, and single mother.

She wasn't from a well off family, she wasn't anything remarkable, and more than anything she came with a horde of tangled strings so what he saw in her would always be a mystery. He told her the moment he landed his auburn eyes upon her he felt a click, a beautiful feeling took his heart—he always said it was love at first sight.

What really won her over was how good he was with Hiroki, how much he looked up to Isamu… he didn't ask her out the first time she took her son to him but he did tell her that he'd like to see Hiroki back in two weeks just to make sure he was okay. It was then that he built up the courage to ask, "Your son's father and you…?"

That was the second most hated question, the one that sparked her sorrows once more, it was still something she'd rather a stranger ask her than her son ask for a father. She forced a smile and said, "He's not a part of our lives."

"Oh," he murmured as his eyes scanned over Hiroki's charts, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up a sore subject, Higurashi-san."

"It's fine," she assured, she had accepted it—Inuyasha wasn't coming back or he would have by then, wouldn't he?

"I don't know if you have any free time," he began in a bit of a fumble as he tapped the chart with his pen—later, she'd learn that was what he'd do whenever he was nervous, the night he proposed he kept tap, tap, tapping his fingers upon the white clothe of the lovely table. "But if you do… would you like to maybe go to dinner tonight?"

At first she felt a "no, thank you" about to slip out of her lips, as she always did whenever a boy asked her out. Generally, once they found out she had a son it was a turn off so why even bother? Besides, she didn't think she was ready to give another a chance to hurt her but then she realized… he already knew she was a single mother.

So, instead, "sure, I would like that."

He tried to impress her on their first date and took her to a restaurant she'd never be able to afford but it was his honesty in the way he spoke, the shyness he showed, and the kindness that won her over—the way he went out of his way to get a teddy bear on their walk back that Kagome mentioned Hiroki would love. She knew then that she could make a life with him; he was there for her and Hiroki from that day forward whenever they needed.

And that was more than she could ever say about a hanyou who had once owned her heart.

She had realized within two years what Inuyasha had probably done, how he had thought it best for her to not be in the past where she could get hurt, so she forgave him. Holding on to a grudge and grief wouldn't do her any good so she let it go.

A year and a half later and she was engaged, six months and she was married and graduated with a nursing degree, not too long after they were preparing for a child—finally she received a daughter. A year and a half later and they had another. All the while, Isamu treated Hiroki like his own and showed him just as much love as he did to his two girls.

He made the best husband but a better father. That was why any thought of Inuyasha coming back and whisking her away were traitorous… she wasn't faking it, not for Hiroki, she wouldn't marry a man she didn't love, she wouldn't have children with him—she loved Isamu, and he loved her more than anything.

She had a good life, a wonderful one, with a husband any girl would dream to have and adorable children… when she asked him if they could live with her mother and grandpa in the Higurashi house, he said of course. He had lost his parents at a young age and loved the idea of staying close to hers. He understood that she felt obligated to take care of her elder grandfather and her aging mother.

But really… a part of her she'd never acknowledge wanted to stay near the well.

Every time she saw the hut she'd felt a subtle pang but with time and Isamu's help, she learned to live again.

She moved on, without the hanyou she always thought would be her future.

**Ж**

_She had everything he couldn't give her…_

He never could give her, if she wanted to be with him than they would have needed to stay in the past. She would have been cut off from her family, from the world she loved… that was what he told himself as he sat with his back to the Goshinbuko, his clawed fingers turning the shikon no tama around in his hand as he tried to ignore the ache that emanated from his chest, ignore the weight of his eyelids, and keep breathing.

All these years he hadn't used it… he could then, the possibilities were endless and he couldn't help but let his thoughts wonder to one wish in particular—going back to the moment that he left her and staying instead, never saying a single wrathful word. He wanted to—Kami knew he badly he did—but he couldn't for so many reasons, two being the most important. If one ever made a selfish wish upon the shikon no tama—which was exactly what it would be, he knew—then nothing good ever came of it. The jewel would warp it, make him regret ever making the wish. And the second… he'd take her away the family she had formed, the life from her daughters that she'd never have.

The ones she loved, he couldn't do that to her… and that doctor—whatever _that_ meant—had given her a good life, had made her happy.

There were a hundred other possibilities but all took her from her children, all revolved around giving her to him. He didn't want to be that man, she'd resent him for it someday, and he'd be taking her daughters' mother from them like death had taken his… he couldn't do that to someone else's childhood.

Someone once told him that to truly love another meant that you were willing to let them go if that meant they'd be truly happy… he didn't know if that was right or something that he was told just to make him feeling better about what he had done to Kagome.

He wanted to believe it and he did _love_ her… enough to let her go, let her live happily ever after with her husband and children.

To let her go like that was selfless so he felt it was safe to clench the shikon no tama and say, "I wish for two things, that Kagome will have a happy life with her husband and children and… that I can say goodbye to her."

Death was coming for him; he just wanted to be able to say farewell before it arrived.

**Ж**

_She had to say goodbye …_

A tear trickled down her cheek, she didn't know why as she raised her hand to whip it away. Her hazels shifted up from her napping daughters to the window were the Goshinbuko's leaves blew in the wind. Somehow… she just knew she had to go to it, so she kissed them on the forehead and quietly walked out of the house and up to the tree. A small sigh left her lips as she wrapped her arms around herself, her stare shifted from the floor up to the white tassels upon the tree that gently blew in the breeze.

"You're an idiot," she murmured with a subtle shake of her head, if Inuyasha had only done things different then... no, she wouldn't have the life she had. She loved it, even for him she wouldn't wish it away.

Stun shifted through her when she heard an, "I know."

Quickly, she checked herself—glancing around every which way to make sure that there wasn't anyone around who could have said that. When she was certain there was none her brows bent together as she murmured, "Inuyasha?"

"Kagome," he replied as he shut his eyes, he could hear her warm voice and that was good enough.

"How is this happening?" she whispered as she took a step closer to the Goshinbuko.

"Made a wish on the shikon no tama," he answered.

"Really?" she awed, "_that's_ what you wish for? Not to become a full youkai, not for all the wealth in the world, not for anything extraordinary, just to… what? Be able to talk to me?"

"To be able to say goodbye," he corrected.

"Good," she whispered with a nod, "I… felt bad about the way we left things."

"Me too," he murmured, "I'm sorry about everything, Kagome, but I am glad… that you are happy."

"I want you to be, too," she asserted before whipping away another set of tears, "I'm sorry, I am, about all of this… if you had shown up four years sooner I would have ran away with you without hesitation but now I have two daughters I can't leave."

"I understand," he assured her, he pressed his lips together to keep from cringing as he grasped the wound of his chest, "it's alright, Kagome. I get it… your husband's been taking care of you and Hiroki, not me."

"Are you hurt?" she asked with a bent brow, "physically, I mean. You don't sound too great…"

"I'm alright," he could lie but he couldn't hide the discomfort in his voice.

"Jerk," she muttered as she reached out to touch the hard bark of the tree, "I can tell… somehow; I can feel you slipping away—are you going to tell me you are really alright?"

"There was a youkai attack," he confessed, "don't worry about it."

"If you're hurt you need to go get medical help," she declared as she clenched her fist, "now, Inuyasha. You can just let yourself… go."

"You say that like I have a choice in the matter," he grumbled, he could have made a wish on the shikon no tama but… when he had nothing left to live for what was the point? He had a long life, he could accept death and even if he got up and somehow made it to Kaede she couldn't fix his wounds. "Maybe we can meet again in another life?"

"I would like that," she assured as she shut her eyes, two more teardrops fell down her cheek as she rested her forehead against the tree, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered, "you are going to have a nice life so please don't lament over me too long."

She bit her bottom lip before nodding, "okay… Hiroki would have loved you. He's a lot like you."

"I would have liked to know him," he replied, "goodbye, Kagome."

"No," she mumbled, "I don't want to say goodbye yet."

"We've got to," he answered as he grip slipped so his hand dropped in his lap, "I'm sure… I'm sure we'll meet again."

"In another life," she guessed with a sigh, "hopefully not as star-crossed lovers that time."

"Hopefully," he murmured.

"Goodbye," she choked right before she felt him vanish all together…

**Ж**

_She had cherished memories…_

"Mom?" she heard to break her from her sobs as she knelt in front of the grand tree, she choked back whatever was left before she could gasp for air and look up to the confused boy that stood not too far from her, "mom, what's wrong?"

"Hiroki," she muttered as she held out her arms, usually the five year old would give her grief and refuse a hug—he was, after all, a _big_ boy and no longer a baby as he so often told her—but he didn't hesitate to walk over and let her hold him.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

There was so much… but just for the moment, with time all would be right again—it had to be. She couldn't be sad forever, she'd be happy with her family once more. It would just take time… to let him go again.

"Remember all those stories I'd tell you before bed?" she asked as she stroked his silver strands.

"About Inuyasha?" he asked with a smile, "and the adventures to find the shikon no tama shards? I love those stories, why?"

That won a smile from her, "you aren't too big for them?"

"No," he stated with a swift shake of his head, "why? Why are you crying, mom?"

"No reason, sweetie," she whispered back as she whipped the tears away and straightened his wrinkled shirt, "will you promise me something, honey?"

"If it makes you stop crying," he murmured with a frown, "did dad do something?"

That stopped her for a moment… no was the answer to the question he meant, yes was the response the one he didn't—his _real_ father had, but Isamu never made her cry.

"No," she answered as she forced a smile, "promise me you won't ever forget the stories I tell you about Inuyasha, okay?"

"Sure," he shrugged, "I won't forget them."

"When you have a family of your own you'll tell them to your children, won't you?"

His face contorted at that request, "yuck, I'm never going to do that! I'd have to get married and girls are ucky."

"Oh, yes, so ucky," she laughed lightly as she shook her head, "I'm a girl, you know?"

"You're a mom," he corrected, "there's a difference."

"Oh?" she asked with a light tilt of her head, "just promise me, hun, if you ever do that you'll tell them about him."

"Whatever," he grunted before a gleam caught his golden eyes, "mom! Tell me one of the stories, it's been forever!"

"Okay," she nodded as she sat down and waited for him to take a seat beside her under the shade of the Goshinbuko, "how about this one… once upon a time, a young miko of only fifteen years of age was lost in a forest she had never been to before. When she turned a corner she saw a great tree, just like the one we are sitting under right now," to that she had to pause and wrap her arms around her son.

Five hundred years in the past, right where they sat, she knew Inuyasha was there… probably no longer alive.

"Mom?" Hiroki questioned as he looked up to him, "get to the part where she finds the dog hanyou."

"Right," she whispered before pulling him closer to nuzzle her chin upon his head, "there was a hanyou asleep upon the tree with vines. It looked like he had been there for ages…"

She shut her eyes and sniffled back tears before hearing Hiroki ask, "mommy? Are you okay?"

"Yes… baby, mom's going to be okay," she whispered.

A piece of her would always be missing, but she'd just have to keep on going.

And because of a wish she never knew he made, she'd live a happy and full life with her child, yet she would never forgot the way how a hot-headed hanyou touched her heart because with time the pain that came with his memory would dull… and she could cherish the memories she held of him until the end.

* * *

**A/N**:_ **Hope you enjoyed the story and happy holidays everyone. If you have the time go to my profile page and take the poll there, it'd help me a lot. Thank you!  
**_


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